Part of my frustration was that I didn't really feel stuck. The ladderseemed too accessible. It was my choice whether to get it or not. Apartfrom the ...ifficulty of getting it inside, I wasn't really stuck at all.I was still in control.I still didn't want to REALLY lose control but I did want to feel asthough I had. It seemed like a contradiction.I made myself some lunch, but though it was a struggle, the feeling ofincapability was more constricting than satisfying. As I sat at thekitchen table. I was somewhat dissapointed to find that after all the time I spent, I looked no better than a cheap prostitute. But ohwell, it was to late to change it. Randy was already waiting outside.The drive to Bakersfield was pleasant. The food was exactly what I wanted. And after the meal we discussed where we wanted to go to look for our new toy As it was we didn't know how to get to Deja Vu and didn't know of where any other erotic shop might be, so we set off towards Spencers.I was rather. More

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