He spends Saturday night in the Chapel vestry workin' on his sermon - that's what he says! But I saw on him one night floggin' his mutton and moanin' ...nd groanin' over the week's tapes of Mrs Vicar's bedtime story'.'Have you got a tape of him wanking?' I asked the puzzled Smee.'Why would I want to do that?' he protested, 'I'm no poofter!' He blushed bright red and I wondered whether he really was gay and whether he knew it or not. 'Why?'.'Because, ' I explained patiently, 'if he ever gets wind. I dragged him into the aisle and felt his carotid artery. I couldn't find a pulse. As part of my businesses I made sure the employees took part in first aid. I was not above doing it myself and helped get the employees to do it as well.It was best with two people but nobody knew what to do. Usually the person died anyway but I did what I could. I breathed into his mouth then placed my hands over his chest for the right number of times. I was frightened stiff and had to go slow to do this right.. More

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