So different to a woman's soft heavy breasts. I imagined him pressing against me. Hard and unyielding, not soft and accommodating like a woman. I foun... these thoughts very arousing. Getting lost in a little fantasy of Bob, I felt him close to me. I needed to touch him and hold him. Opening my eyes, I could see longing in his face. I could relate to this face. I saw masculine characteristics which formed part of my own identity. I said to him, “For the first time I am not playing a gender role. It would cause them both so much suffering. I would feed off of the agony and negative energy they would produce. But it wasn’t so. I wanted something I couldn’t have. So, finally having enough of spying, I turned away and left. Late that night, I stood looking at myself in the full-length mirror, naked. I stared at myself disgusted as I compared myself to her. I was now five foot two, not much different than before James and I met. My skin color had fluctuated over the time, though it was. More

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