The first time was indirectly through my mom, when I became Melly giving up my future, my life and my gender. The second, of course, was choosing the ...ecurity of my life with him over the potential love of Mike. The third was keeping Patricia just at arms length so that I would never allow myself to get too close to assess if Patricia was what I needed in my life over Charles.Yet oddly, I could never commit all the way to him. I suspect I wanted to, why else was I subconsciously choosing to. But Iwill set the rules."With that, she laid down my "Improvement Plan." First, I would do my ownnails, fingers and toes, with a clear polish. I would do my toes twice aweek, to gain experience. Every Thursday, I would also do my fingers.Nothing glossy. It would not be noticed, she assured me. But I couldremove the clear coat from my fingers before work on Monday, though Iwould have to do them again Thursday nights. In addition, I would do hertoes with a color of my choice once per week. . More

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