”You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)You t...ink eye contact is an act of aggressionORYou can retire to Minnesota where...You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.You have seventeen recipes for casserole.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road. Once I was dressed I would carefully fit my wig, thenspend fifteen minutes or so anxiously waiting for the sound ofher keys in the lock. When I would be certain she was at thedoor I would kneel beside the living room couch, my head down,my trembling hands clasped in my lap, and try to still my racingpulse. Each day had been the same. She would come through the door andtotally ignore me for what seemed like an eternity. She wouldread the mail or fix herself a drink. Sometimes she woulddisappear. More

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