Oh, God. And I let him.I let him. I feel utterly dreadful. So uncomfortable and so exposed. What is this feeling?My mom’s a therapist, so I was rais...d on a steady diet of “name what you’re feeling”, but this feeling? This one’s new. It washes over me again and again, until finally, in the early hours of morning, I get it.Vulnerable. I feel so intensely vulnerable.-The next week or so passes in a thick fog. My libido has taken on a life of its own. I’m out of control, to the extent that most. Ididn't want any more drugs but the girls said it would be easier for myfirst time.I didn't understand but decided to take the pill. In minutes thecalming, tranquilizer took over leaving me totally relaxed lying in bedlike I was floating in space. The girls then dimmed the lights and leftthe room. I thought they had gotten me ready to go to sleep but thenwhen I saw the bedroom door open once again and a man entered I knewsomething was wrong.He looked to be in his late fifties. He started. More

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