I calledhome to try to get Lorraine to come to pick me up. There was no answer.I started to leave a message on the answerphone."Hi,Lorraine, it's me,...Phyllis. I have had a bit of a wardrobemalfunction and I have been sent home from work. Could you come to pickme up?"As I was saying this, I suddenly realised why a short French maids skirtwas not the ideal type of dress on a windy day. The wind had not justblown my skirt up enough to reveal the top of my fishnet stockings butsufficiently. But, all I see are these green rectangles.St. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds, and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great. More

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