I was stunned. I asked her."Don't you feel anything for me anymore Julie?"She sobbed loudly, and then she faced me."It's not that I don't love you Jon... its, well... how can you still love me after all of the men, all of the whorish ways I have done and been? You can't love me Jon, I don't even like myself, let alone love myself and if I can't love me how can I expect anyone else to love me?"I didn't know what to say. I had thought that she didn't love me anymore and it was her doubts about my. Emotions. Hate. Fear. Confusion. Love. A thousand different conflicting feelings were compressed together into a torrential hurricane. She wiggled a cold hand between our bodies, pushing hard on my chest. For a split second I saw her, the real Sam. Then it was gone, replaced by something sinister and erotic—her, yet at the same time, most certainly not her. I saw nothing but red, transported back to the day everything went fucking sideways. I had had everything planned that day. The. More

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