Now, a childhood and the first shaking steps of adulthood later, aged 18, I lay awake at four in the morning, feeling the warmth of your smooth ochre ...kin and silk thread hair, streaked lightly with grey. It’s dark and the light from the balcony illuminates you in a weary monochrome, sending shadows streaming from the branches outside onto your sleeping face. I had never known it possible for a man to be so beautiful, so unutterably perfect that my chest swells to bursting knowing that I love. How was Isupposed to compete? I wondered if I now felt as women did when facedwith a world biased in favour of men.As if she could read my mind, Nurse Five laughed again."Never mind, I will see you later - unless you get yourself intoserious trouble - so be on your best behaviour," she ordered finally.After that, the Housekeeper returned me to the stuffy little dark room,locked me to the stool and left me repeating a handful of words intothe computer. I glumly persisted in trying to make my. More

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