I knew she could smell the sex on me." I thought I felt the booze again. I said, "Mom..."She said, "You had sex?"I said, "You said we should..."She wa... gone. "YOU HAD SEX WITH LILA?" her voice went down to a whisper. "You fucking bastard, of all people, it had to be Lila...my whole fucking life...Lila"I tried to make her understand. I said, "It just happened. I didn't think it was a big deal. You said...it didn't mean anything..."She was really quiet now and the tears were forming. I could. Although we spoke by telephone briefly during the week and set the schedule for my Saturday visit, there was no mention of what might or might not happen after that weekend. I was too fearful of bringing it up.When Martha Jane arrived in her Chevy (which she still didn't like), I felt distracted and dull. My feeble attempts at appearing cheerful fell flat. When I couldn't think of anything to say I sat humming an aimless tune and looking out the car window, pretending to be engrossed in the. More

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