I must prepare myself as HE has told me to before I enter HISdoor. At one time, that was a hard task for me, but not now. The flickers ofshame and di...gust at myself I experience are permitted, so long as theydon't prevent me from completing my task.My mother smiles at me as she drops me off. She has no idea what goes oninside. Nor can I tell her. How could a nine-year-old boy tell his motherhe is evil?It has been two years since my first Visit, but I cannot recall most ofthem, except in. I was hard yet again, pressing it on her lower belly.“A-Alan… Don’t do this…” She begged under her breath, with a timid smile on her lips. “We have to go… You said it yourself…” “Yes, I know. But later…” I said in a low voice, right next to her ear, smelling the sweet scent of her long brown hair.She looked at me, in silence, and it was unbelievable how I already could instantaneously tell when she wanted to say something but couldn’t.“Tell me,” I touched her forehead with mine, and our eyes. More

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