I forgave him - he was my life, how could I not? That happy moment didn’t last, and as the drinking got worse, so did the violence.“I think the wo...st was when he would take his frustrations out on my sexually. After a few drinks, he’d force me into humiliating positions, and take me whether I was ready or not. Sometimes I was dry, and it hurt so bad I would start bleeding. Then he’d blame me for not doing my job - somehow it was my fault that I wasn’t ready for him. I started buying lube, and. For Tracy's sake, perhapsit was just as well.A few days before her birthday Tracy had seemed to suffer a kind ofpang of conscience. Or perhaps she was testing me. She told methat she knew that I was becoming less and less manly, and more andmore womanly, to please her, because I loved her. She was gratefulfor it. But now she had to know if I wanted it for myself too,that it pleased me to explore my own femininity and to make it apart of who I was. That I delighted in it, maybe even. More

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