The answer is that, at the time, I had no idea. A little bit of me blocked even the possibility, I may have been subconsciously ignoring the evidence,...I really don’t know. But during the break up, hints were made – by Jim himself – that ‘I shouldn’t be trusting him anyway’, or phrases like ‘I don’t deserve you and Daisy, so it’s best if I go’. It transpired that he was making references to other liaisons which had happened over the years (even when I was pregnant with Daisy). Several years. "I amhappily married, yet I find myself hopelessly drawn towards a woman likeyou. Perhaps when your body has changed to match your psyche, I willfind the courage to fulfill my destiny also. Until then, au revoir."I lay there sobbing while he let himself out of my suite.I was up early the next morning, determined to wash away my memories ofthe night before under a hot shower. After dressing quickly in a skirt,sweater and tights, with very little makeup, I practiced twisting mylong brown hair. More

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