Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because...it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make. Jim startedtalking not about the dojo's instructor but about Steven, in the samekind of hero worship way. When Susan first met Steve as she picked upJim after a class, she was shocked. He had tattoos on both arms, longgreasy hair, and a scruffy attempt at a Vandyke beard. Susan learnedfrom Jim that Steven had dropped out of school in his junior year andnow worked on a loading dock at a trucking firm. Perhaps even moredisturbing than the fact that Steven had tattoos was the nature ofthose. More

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