“A few women, just to prove to myself I wasn’t gay. But I was never happy. I kept thinking about that guy. We talked on the phone a few times, sec...etly, but never got together again. His wife forgave him and last I heard they were doing fine. Eventually I stopped thinking about him. I had just about convinced myself I was straight after all, and then I took that hike and went through the bushes and saw you there and, well, here we are.” “Yeah,” I said, “Here we are. For what it’s worth, I’m. Self loathing and self pity weren’t healthy, I learned that the hard way. Instead I decided to somehow make the best of these shitty circumstances, impossible as it seemed at the time. But I had to try or risk a downward spiral.First I’d get these goddamned cattle to the station as fast as humanly possible so that I could get paid. Then I’d use those earnings to get out of this shit farm deal and, once free from all that, I’d move far away from Lincoln County and start over again as something. More

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