The ride out was long, bumpy and completely dark, no moon tonight. It made the trip seem to take longer as I had no way of seeing if I was getting clo...e or not. The camp in our far pasture was marked by a single oak tree, large, leafy, and with no others for miles around. I found the camp and the flock sitting peacefully in the darkness. I unrolled my bed mat in the back of the wagon and fell asleep. I discovered self – gratification late in life, compared to most guys my age. I’d simply never. But what else had I done, but watch the night for signs of the enemy, Hope? Vigilant as any soldier, I crushed every ray of hope until my mind hurt like the fists of a gloveless boxer. Allowing myself hope, after that much beer and that much emotion would just be setting myself up for a bigger fall than I had as yet taken. The thought that I was dragging myself down with beer rather than pumping myself up with hope occurred to me, and I remember that I smiled. There wasn’t much real amusement. More

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