But I ruined it with my sexual lockdown. He has been ready for the next step but I knew I couldn’t do it before marriage and maintain the control I ...o desperately need. Eventually he secretly decided to move forward without notifying me. I didn’t find out in a dramatic fashion like walking in on him having sex or anything. What clued me in was the letter I found on his nightstand while I waited for him to come home. This is what it said: {Dear Carter, You are my last thoughts before I sleep.. But he’s no threat to us.’ ‘He’s taking his cues from Moscow, Ellen, and those guys in the Kremlin ARE a threat to us.’ Ellen didn’t buy the idea that communism was some sort of monolithic movement controlled by Moscow. But she kept that to herself. She saw no point in trying to score debating points at the expense of ruining this trip. Following a tense silence, she said, ‘Cole, would you be willing to risk your life fighting over there? You had said something to me about joining the Marines. More

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