I almost chaffed my wrists, I was straining so at the leather belts. He has another machine which looks interesting, too. It has a socket that holds ...he handle of a flogger, and when turned on, swishes back and forth at a great rate. I have no doubt that anything placed in the path of the flogger strands would soon become beet red. We didn’t use it to play with, but he told me that when it was my turn to be in charge, he’d like to be locked in the pillory and have that used on him, while I. I do this because I have to and not because I want to or choose to. What I want seems to be a daydream I really never get to have. It drifts in and before it has a chance to form it disappears, elusively slipping between my fingers. I never seem to be able grasp it. It slides away, farther and farther, each time I try to reach for it. And then I wake up only to find I’m still trapped in this nightmare, a nightmare of a life with no joy, no happiness, no love, nothing but sadness for me. Each. More

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