”Mary Christmas: “Twat.”All cast members under four feet high turn towards audience.Cast: “Boys and girls, Santa is a twat!”Audience: “OH ...O HE ISN’T!”Cast: “OH YES HE IS!”Audience: “OH NO HE ISN’T!”Cast: “OH YES HE IS!”Audience: “OH NO HE ISN’T!”Cast: “OH YES HE IS!”Mary Christmas: “STOP THIS NOW THE LOT OF YOU! I like a joke, but fuck a pantomime….” (Stops, and slowly looks around ironically) “Anyway, all you short-arsed little fuckers get on the back of the sleigh. Carole, you’ll have to. ” Hook turned on his heel and walked forward where sailors were beginning their day working the rigging and swabbing the decks of the previous night’s dew and bird droppings. In Hook’s cabin, Tink wondered about removing her tunic. She was to be naked and kneeling for her Master’s inspection but until then she was to be straddling his railing. Was there enough time to hear his approach and still doff her tunic and be kneeling for him or did he mean for her to be naked on the rail. If she was. More

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