The department’s Media Liaison Group managed to keep the press from learning why Tom blew his brains out. The Boston Globe has always been a team p...ayer and cop suicides were a downer. Of course, the real reason spread through the department overnight along with copies of the video and letter. I was surprised it didn’t make YouTube. I became a pariah, a cop avoided by his fellow officers like a crack whore with AIDS and the clap. No one wanted to partner with me. I hadn’t put the gun. I struggled against the cuffs holding my arms over my head. But I don't really want to be free. I want to feel my arms around Josh. But I don't want to be free. Not yet. I want this delicious helplessness to continue while he rapes me.Yes. I know it isn't rape. Not anymore. It may have been in the beginning. When he first took me he took me against my will. I didn't want to have sex with him. I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy it. But if I could have said no I would have.Now I want him to fuck. More

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