A Garden Party:The following week-end came with summers first really hot sunshine. Both mother and I are sunbathing in our new bikinis on the grass be...ide the little pool.Nostalgic music filters around us from the small radio that Dan had set up along with the cocktail trolley.Mother suddenly invites me to share in a drink with them, “Come on Jessica, your fourteen now; old enough for a cocktail! Dan, mix her a stiff Martini!”“Right away Madam!” Dan poured the drink and bought it over to me. Lovers in words. To meet would shatter the connection, destroy the safe, free, secret, intimate place. Total freedom! No inhibitions. Not just passion and sex. Oh, I have been there. I have known great passions, and great sex. But sensual exploration of sexuality, loss of all thought and inhibition, losing CONTROL. Total surrender. How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself.. More

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