My keys and my cell phone were inside the house and in my hurry to go running I had jammed the door shut locking myself out. “Shit!” I cursed, ang...y at myself for being so careless. With no way of calling for help and being new in the area, I decided to visit my neighbors for any help they could render.When I arrived at their front porch, I noticed there was no doorbell, at least none that I could see so I rapped my knuckles on the door. There was no answer, and my knuckles were becoming sore,. I almost felt like a proud elk being stripped of its horns, an elephant without a trunk, or a stud without its junk. It also felt like Ivan was eying me creepily, and grinning incongruously to every mention of a word even remotely related to intercourse, like 'milk', 'butter', or 'hoe'. Before abject terror pulled at my instincts and made me leap outside a truck doing eighty on the interstate, he turned and said to me with an approving tone, proudly waving a badly groomed finger in the air:"You. More

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