The groom looked immaculate in his tux and tripped over his vows where his nerves mangled his tongue in a mouth that was drier that the Sahara dessert...The lavish reception had been no less a success. Seamus's best man made a speech, which although bawdy in places had delighted and entertained all of those invited. Uncle Mick did his usual party trick of dancing like a puppet with tangled strings and landed flat on his back, sliding under one of the tables that ringed the dance floor. His legs. The Captain muttered, ‘Good girl’ and reached for something from his bedside. Oil of some kind. ‘Now this is best Greek olive oil, Kitty, it will ease my passage in your, er, passage. Keep your muscles loose and allow the feelings to take you over. It will hurt very much more if you tense and struggle.’ Captain Prince removed his fingers and poured drops of the oil on and around Kitty’s unexplored territory. He spent many, many minutes greasing her thoroughly, around and inside the minuscule. More

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