I want you as my wife and mother of our children.”“If we had this conversation two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to commit to you, Joel. ... wasn’t ready and I needed time to look at what I wanted for my future. I realized when I was turning down dates and avoiding some of the more aggressive males at Cal Poly, I was keeping myself from making a mistake. It took me a while to realize that I was keeping myself for you. I was staying in touch with your mother because I needed to know that no. ‘I drove by your place and. . . I couldn’t bring myself to. . . I feel like I’ and again she broke into tears. I let her cry for a while longer before I interjected, softly and perhaps a bit too strongly, ‘were you afraid to go into your house because of him, Jill, because if the bastard is after you he’s a dead man, girlfriend.’ I slipped unconsciously into ourold patter, and I heard her laugh through her tears. ‘My knight in shining armor. Carson, I. . .’ she began a sentence and choked it. More

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