How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me li...e this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and. She reinforced that she was grimacing just as she said so. She turned and went to her desk. I put himself back together. I could see her from the side from my cabin. I stood up, closed the blinds, walked to the doors, and locked them. I turned off all outside lights. They were closed. I turned off the phones. She looked up.”Are we really that closed” she asked nonchalantly.I said yes and walked back to my cabin. I gazed upon her sexy plump figure from my desk. She became lovelier as the moments. More

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