But there was no Jacob. A fantasy of being married to Jacob passed through my mind, of sleeping in on the Sabbath, cuddling in bed. Of the small house...we were in the process of buying; spending Sundays painting and fixing all the little things that needed to be done. But there was no Leah. I felt like I was being ripped between my two loves.The drive to the airport seemed to take forever. Mary pulled Leah aside and the two had a whispered conversation as Mark greeted a pair of sluttily dressed. .think about you when... I touch myself," I whispered.She smiled, and it wasn't the condescending smile of a cheerleader or a prom queen, the dismissive grin of girls I could never have. It was the warm smile of a woman accepting a strange sort of heartfelt compliment. She understood its import; Most boys my age were thinking about those same prom queens and cheerleaders when they took themselves by the hand. I had chosen her, a fully- grown and completely realized woman as my sexual ideal. She. More

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