Then we got cocky and got real Italian espresso shots that instantly tried to melt our faces off and kept us jittery for hours after. (‘Starbucks is...for chumps,’ I panted.) We got as many bottles of as many kinds of wine we could carry, each popping the cork on one to sip on as we walked, straight out of the bottle like unabashed Americans on a long overdue holiday. As the sun began to dip behind the colorful stucco buildings, a trio of musicians started setting up near the fountains. I looked. Campbell said ‘Very good Keith, I knew you would be a reasonable kind of person! Now, I’m going to hand you a pair of blunt end scissors. You will get up and cut off all of your wife Alice’s clothing, and you will do this without making a sound. Either that, our friends with the knives begin some interesting cutting on your two daughters, starting, say with the removal of an ear or two, before they get to more interesting parts like nipples, breasts or worse!’ Fortunately the scissors were. More

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