Never thought she’d go this far. ‘How have you been?’ God that’s so lame. We used to be so much more than this. I am momentarily ashamed of my...elf. Why do I always become an awkward teenager around her? Perhaps some jaffa cakes would help… And so after she’s helped me dress the scald across my hand from where I emptied the kettle over it, and we’ve cleared up the pieces of broken china and mopped up the tea, we’re curled up on the sofa. One at each end. She’s just close enough for comfort and I. I created a dummy company and rented three entire floors of a downtown hotel for a "photo shoot." I needed the floor above and below empty so that nobody would accidently hear something and call the police.The hotel thought we were filming a commercial. We signed all of the appropriate papers saying nothing would be damaged and that our lighting didn't require special electrical permits and all of that. I also informed them that there would be a variety of "extras" coming and going during. More

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