Soon after giving birth to Jeremy, my mother filed for divorce. My father refused, but she went along with the divorce procedure anyway. Dad wouldn’... accept that it was over between them. He felt he had to do something in order to win my mother back. He felt he had to punish himself in painful ways to really deserve her forgiveness. He showed up at my mother’s apartment one day with a gun in his hand. My mother and all her seven children were there. Everyone gasped. According to Ma, he said. ‘Good,’ she said. ‘But you need to relax.’ At that word he laughed tightly and tightened his body even more. The burlap effect for the first time playing the bass had taken over completely. He strained to say, ‘But I have to press hard enough to hold the string down. That takes muscular tension.’ ‘True, but the moment you release that note, you need to let it free so to speak. It’s like that for pretty much every instrument needing to be struck.’ She stood and carefully rested her cello against. More

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