The local men were hoping the secret auction item was a new car or tractor. The ladies were thinking of a new refrigerator or washing machine. Some st...rted a rumor that there were two items up for bid, one for men and one for the ladies, but rumors wafted on the summer breeze as abundantly as the smells and sounds of the festivities. Residents eagerly purchased their tickets and put them in the big hopper. Throughout the evening tickets were drawn for various prizes, most of which were worth. The massive grocery store was bustling with last-minute shoppers getting those ‘damn, I can’t believe I forgot’ items, as well as depressingly familiar sad-sacks such as I, who had no sexy Christmas elf to go home to. Not that Jaclyn would have ever dressed up as an elf. Our sex life had been pretty vanilla, to be honest. Pattern of my life. I wandered around the aisles, looking at displays of various ‘special items’ on sale. I chuckled ruefully as I passed a bulk stack of three-foot-tall. More

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